The "Once-A-Week Rule" Can Make a New Relationship Stronger

There’s a saying that states "If you want to see a new partner more in the future, see them less now." Certainly, in real life, lasting relationships tend to develop a bit less cinematically. When the magical moment comes that we meet someone we really like and with whom we feel instant chemistry, perfect flow of things to talk about—the desire to spend all of our time with that person right away can obviously be intense.

But according to Seth Meyers, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, recently proposed a guideline which antagonizes that believe in a post for Psychology Today in which he claims will both minimize heartbreak and set a budding relationship up for success. In Meyer’s proposed guideline, he termed it “the once-a-week rule.”

According to Meyer, when you start dating someone new, for the first month only see each other once a week. While explaining the logic behind the guideline, he illustrated that when we spend a lot of concentrated time with someone we’ve just met, there’s a tendency that we will develop a false sense of intimacy and connectedness that sometimes bring about deep feelings of being invested in a person before we’ve gotten to know them. So we can protect ourselves from this by limiting how often we see each other.

He further clarified how he ended up with this rule “I came up with the rule after watching so many new relationships fail because the couples were seeing each other too frequently and then subsequently having a kind of mental freakout—they were feeling anxious and pressured, this is counter-intuitive, but if you want to see [a new partner] more in the future, see them less now.”

In reaction to this once-a-week rule, several Meyers and several other relationship experts gave their insights into why you should consider starting things off very slowly.

• Sex can be intoxicating

Meyers said, “When we spend a lot of time with someone we are attracted to, we’re more likely to have sex with them. Although no issues with sex, but during sexual intimacy, he explains, our bodies release chemicals (including the so-called “love hormone” oxytocin) that promote strong emotional reactions and bonding, which cloud our judgment. “If the person is kind and good and wants the same things as you, there is no problem,” he says, but “if the person doesn't have the same relationship goals as you, you may end up feeling lonely and betrayed.”

A clinical social worker and therapist in Brooklyn, Chamin Ajjan, agrees to this point and she said. “It is good to get to know your partner’s soul before you mate!”. By seeing each other less frequently, she says, it’s easier to assess the quality of the relationship with our heads, as opposed to our hearts and libidos.

• It takes months or years to really know someone

Figuring out whether someone is a good match or not is a long and gradual process, although most people have gone on a date and felt an instant connection. Meyer says “When people immediately tell themselves that someone is The One, it usually reflects idealization,”

Taking that first month slowly gives us the needed space to learn who someone really is. “If you pace yourself a little bit in the beginning and really get to know the person that you’re dating,” says Ajjan, “you know the foundation is real as opposed the illusion perfection at first site.”

• Constant face time can be an emotional energy suck

In a new relationship, dating can be really difficult, so it makes sense to take comfort in hard-and-fast guidelines for how to navigate love. Although for some people who have hectic work schedules or are only in town for a short time—rules about how frequently to see someone aren’t practical, says Jenny Taitz, Psy.D., a relationships therapist and clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at UCLA advises her patients to pay close attention to how much mental and emotional energy they are devoting to a relationship. “Rather than focusing on how many dates and how much time face-to-face you are spending investing in a new person, it's key to watch how much head space you are expending,”

• Going slow lets you keep living your life

When you start a new relationship and you rush things, there’s the tendency that both you and your partner will have no time to live your life and do the things you love, but when you hold onto your identity and pace your relationship, you lessen the risk of being blinded to the relationship’s true value explains Taitz, who is the author of the new book “How to Be Single and Happy.” She further said “Dating should not be your full-time hobby, if you have a lot of time to go on dates, great! But make sure you’re attending to the other areas of your life that are important for wellness.”

So this is the best advice from relationship experts and I hope you agree it’s not really cool to rush things, keep it cool and walk your new relationship at a slow pace, If the relationship is real, it’s not going anywhere.