The Myth about “Ex” In a relationship: Should You Stay Friends with Them?

It’s a commonly held belief that if you break up with your partner as a result of misunderstanding or any other thing, at least stay friends with them. But have you ever asked yourself, “Should you stay friends with your ex?” This is a tricky question for all.

Most modern relationships are preceded by a history between two people, maybe extensive, short or eclectic. Often times, when starting a new relationship, most people struggle with how to approach the issue of their ex-partners, questions like “should one remain friends with their ex or not” comes up, and we all have conflicting response to these questions, some feels it’s safe to remain friends for old times’ sake while others are completely against it with the fear that if boundaries are not well defined, it could compromise the new relationship.

Is it inappropriate to stay connected and keep in touch with your ex? What boundaries must be shared if you are to remain connected? Will your affection and intimacy fully end if you keep your ex close?

These are some of the questions asked often when starting a new relationship, from my point of view, the response am going to give would rather be a vague one, because I will say to all these questions, the right answer is “It Depends” Although am usually not a fan of answers that are not precise but in some situations especially ones like this, you’ve got to believe everyone is different, accept that every relationship is different, you’ve got to realize that all scenario has its own complications and complexities.

For those who wants to keep up being friends with their ex, it is important to take a moment to reflect and ask themselves why they want to remain friends. Do you have an ulterior motive for wanting to leave the door slightly open just in case? Are you afraid of having familiar enemies or you just don’t want anyone from your past having a negative perspective about you? Regardless the scenario, you’ve got to be extremely honest with yourself when giving responses to these questions. All that been said, listed below are guidelines to help when attempting to establish healthy boundaries and don’t want to compromise your new relationship and still remain friends with your ex.

• Reflect properly on ex relationship

After a relationship, give yourself ample time to reflect upon the relationship. This gives better understanding of what went wrong, helps you establish new intentions and work on your self-esteem, skipping this step is a short cut to a new relationship which you will not want to take, trust me, it will have an effect on your next relationship.

When you finally start a new relationship, limit your conversation about your ex-partners. When the urge to talk about your ex comes, caution yourself, ask yourself” Why must I bring up this issue” You may feel like talking about them when you miss them or when you attempt to make your new partner jealous, my advice is to stop and have some hard reflection. When you are not over your ex, give yourself time and don’t jump into a new relationship, it is not the best foundational block to start your new relationship.

• Don’t play the comparison game

When most people starts a new relationship, they tend to compare their previous relationship with the new one and this would expose red flags because they have forgotten how much their ex drove them crazy or how incompatible they were together. If your comparison shows how great your ex is, you may find yourself never able to accept your new partner completely and fall into the pit of unfair expectations. If you feel your ex’s presence in your life is subconsciously taunting and confusing you, maybe the time is right to completely cut ties with them so you can move on and leave apple as apple and see orange as an orange

• Involve your new partner in your ultimate decision

If you feel cutting ties with your ex is not the best thing for you, be fair and discuss this with your partner. Be sure your new partner understands the capacity of your relationship with your ex and when you state this, try not to be defensive, but rather understanding and allow your new partner to express their own reaction to it. Who knows, together you may be able to arrive at a compromise with comfortable boundaries that is beneficial to all.

• Keep Boundaries EXTREMELY Clear

When your final decision has been made as to what to do with your ex, if the conclusion is to remain friends, you’ve got to define clear boundaries with your ex. It is not appropriate to maintain a “friend with benefits” relationship with an ex. It only suggests you are not serious with your new relationship and be certain to expect insecurity.

There are many other scenarios as well as other complications as regards the myth about remaining friends with your ex not discussed in this article. Keep in mind that not all relationships with ex are “bad” “Inappropriate” or “disrespectful” to your new partner, but if they are not well reflected on and your intentions are not specified, they can and surely will cause issues in your new relationship.

Let’s hear your say about the myth about ex in a relationship, Should you remain friends with them or not?